22 hours and counting....

In less than 24 hours from this exact time, summer vacation begins.

I have a confession to make.  I do not enjoy summer vacation.  I am not one of those moms who LOVES to have my kids home all day long, day after day, for three months.  I also am not one of those moms who cries on the first day of school when they send their darlings back to school. 

I personally think that we should take lessons from the Japanese culture.  Long school days, long school weeks, long school years. 

I like my children. Really, I do.  But I kinda prefer them in small doses. 

My youngest will be heading to pre-school in the fall.  I'm already making plans for the 7 1/2 hours a week that she will be gone.  And none of them include scrubbing toilets or doing laundry.  Or volunteering at any of the schools.  I know, I know.  What kind of mom am I?

Probably not a very good one.  I start out every summer with the best of intentions.  I have a schedule posted on the fridge of what time we will be getting up, doing chores, eating healthy meals, doing crafty fun activities, going on adventures, having learning time (so they don't forget all they learned in school), etc.  By the second week, all that is out the window and I try just to make sure they don't kill each other, that the TV is turned off for a few hours a day and that they eat something besides popsicles.

Last year, our entire summer was unplanned.  A friend and I decided we were going to start an Internet craft type business.  We spent hours a day working on our "creations" while our kids generally ran amok - having water fights, jumping on the trampoline, playing on the swing set, jumping from the swing set to the trampoline while having a water fight - and eating their weight in popsicles.  And they thought it was the best summer they ever had. 

Too bad the business failed miserably and my craftiness died right along with it.  No more fun easy summer for my kids with a pre-occupied mother!  Oh no!  The schedule is back up on the fridge along with lists of a thousand and one healthy food choices that don't include popsicles and a comprehensive list of activities they can do both inside and outside if they are bored (including nasty chores).

Actually, this summer will be a happy medium - and I hope that HAPPY is the key word.  I have designated a theme for each week that centers around the name of a TV show. 

I will post about our themes each week.  It is a fairly laid back approach with hopefully enough structure to keep them in line and me sane.  A couple of adventures a week, a couple of fun and relatively healthy meals to go along with the theme, a craft, game or movie that relates to the theme. Nothing elaborate.  Nothing overly time consuming. Nothing overly strenuous on Mom or kids.  Nothing expensive. 

Which leads me to the other thing on my mind.  Money.  Things are so so darn expensive right now.  Somehow, my husband informed me, I have to cut costs somewhere so our family debt doesn't resemble the national debt.  He wants a balanced budget - you'd think he was trying to get elected President or something....  Let the fun begin.  Maybe I'll discover some great money saving tips that I can pass along to all of you.  Guess I better cut back on all those days at the spa, my weekly manicures and pedicures and massages... Just kidding.  I'm lucky to have my toenails painted for church when I get brave and wear sandals.  My budget is already limited - this will be as adventurous as summer vacation!

Let the fun begin! 

Raising Girls

I have two daughters.  One is 4.  The other is 13.  They are exactly nine years and 19 days apart. Our oldest, A, is very much an individual.  She doesn't follow trends.  She likes what she likes and hates what she hates and is not influenced at all by others.  Our youngest, M, is already a fashionista. You wouldn't necessarily guess that from her choice of clothing sometimes - red and hot pink DO NOT go together but try to convince her!  She loves make up, high heels, nice fabrics and loves to have her nails painted. 

I'm the type of person that feels just as home in jeans and my hubby's flannel shirt with my hair in a ponytail, no make up and tennis shoes as I do in a "power" suit, heels, hair in an up-do, with make up all done.  Usually, however, I gravitate to the first look rather than the latter one. I'm a stay at home mom.  Other than going to the mailbox, working out in the yard and the occasional trip to Wally World, I don't really go out much.  A power suit and heels, while it does help me feel very competent, really doesn't fit in my world of doing dishes, picking up messes, wiping runny noses, chasing the dogs and/or kids up the street, and folding laundry. 

A few years ago, someone made a remark to me that really stung. They said that because of how I dressed and took care of myself, I was setting a bad example for my girls.  I did consider the source of that comment and for a long time, although it hurt, I kinda blew it off.

Lately, I'm wondering if that person was right.  A always dresses respectably for school, jeans or khaki's and typically a button down cotton shirt (she switches between a classic and a whimsical look depending on her mood).  She tries to do her hair but she's not willing to spend more than about 5 minutes on it and she wears very little, if any makeup.  She prefers to wear her tennis shoes, even though she has loafers, sandals and cute ballet style shoes.  If her socks match, that is a plus.  In her world, it just doesn't matter.  However, her teeth are always brushed, she showers daily and isn't stinky (I consider that to be a great victory - I've walked the halls of her school and body spray can only cover up so much of the unclean smell!).  But it is her attitude that if people only like her because of how she dresses or how she looks, then they aren't worth having as friends. 

In my heart, I applaud her for that attitude.  And in my mind, I cringe.  She is going into the 8th grade.  And people aren't always nice or accepting.  Especially other girls.  They can be downright cruel.  I am thrilled that the worldly, temporary surface things don't matter to her.  But I also know how great I feel when I know that I look nice.  For some reason, nothing says confidence like a great hair day and a pair of heels.  I want her to feel that feeling.  She is kind of an irony, my daughter. Since she has the attitude that she does, you might think that she is ultra self confident.  Nothing could be farther from the truth.  She has trouble looking anyone in the eye and is extremely shy.  I'm still scratching my head and trying to figure her out and I've been her mom for 13 years now! 

And I did realize this morning that I need to try a LITTLE harder to improve my own appearance.  As I was getting ready this morning, M asked if she could pick my shirt.  I was just planning on wearing a t shirt and basketball shorts - its Monday, my day to catch up after the weekend.  I agreed and she picked out a white cotton shirt with a few gathers around the waist and sleeves. When I questioned her about why she picked it, she simply said "Because it is bootiful, Mommy."  Then she begged me to put on a little makeup.  Usually she wants me to do this because my eyelashes are completely blonde and since she is Hispanic, she likes our "eyes" to match.  But today, she said that she wanted me to put on makeup and wear that shirt so I could be "bootiful". 

I did swap my basketball shorts for more appropriate capris to match the shirt.  :)  I have two beautiful girls that are total opposites on the spectrum and a mom that is stuck somewhere in the middle.  I want my girls to focus on being beautiful on the inside - that is the most important thing.  But I also want them to feel good about the beautiful features that God has given them on the outside too. 

Maybe it IS easier to be the mom of boys.....

Mothers' Day

I've decided that there are two different groups of moms in the world.  Those who LOVE Mothers Day and those who HATE Mothers Day.  Very few sit on the fence on this one.  I personally LOVE it!  However, my mom HATED it!  She always said that it made her feel guilty for all the things that she didn't do and all the things that she wasn't.  It drove her crazy to have people talk about their perfect moms when she knew that she would never measure up. 

I, on the other hand, while also being VERY aware of my shortcomings, I love presents!  Any excuse to shower me with presents becomes a reason for great celebration!  The first year that we were married, we were not yet parents or even trying to be parents.  My hubby, a couple of days before Mothers Day, asked me if I wanted a present for Mothers Day.  I informed him, very pointedly, that if there is EVER a reason to give me a present, he should just do it! And being the wonderfully obedient husband that he is, he has never forgotten to get me a present.  :) 

Growing up, I remember asking my mom what she wanted for Mothers Day.  Every year, we got the same answer.  She just wanted us 5 kids to be obedient and get along.  What a lame present!  I caught myself saying those exact words to my kids this past week when they asked, "Hey Mom, what do you want for Mothers Day?"

I know I am not a perfect mom.  I yell at my kids.  I'm not patient.  I don't get up every morning and make the older ones a hot breakfast, heck, most days, I barely mumble love you and have a good day from my bed when they tell me they are leaving at 7 am.  I really don't like cleaning my house (it is never spotless).  My garden struggles and I usually end up buying green beans and tomatoes at the case lot sale while my neighbors bottle their own.  At 8 pm, I am done being the mom for the day and I retreat to my room, turn on my favorite police type shows and am out of commission unless there is a drastic emergency.  I don't read to them for hours a day and I never read to them in utero.  They think that classical music is Waylon Jennings and Keith Whitley and The Beach Boys.  Very rarely do the scents of homemade cookies or bread meet them at the door when they come home from school.  And I usually don't get down on the floor to play cars or Barbies.

But..... I love them.  And they know it.  Today, D came home from church with a paper flower. On each petal there was a sentence describing their mom that they were supposed to finish.  Here are his answers:
 
1 - My mom makes the best: FOOD
2 - My favorite thing to do with my mom is: TALKING
3 - My mom is good at: LOVING
4 - My mom is as beautiful as: A RAINBOW
5 - My mom teaches me: THE GOSPEL
6 - My mom loves me because: I LOVE HER
7 - I love my mom because: SHE UNDERSTANDS ME

And when it all boils down to it - As long as my kids can say these things about me, I'm okay with that. 

Ahhhhhh.....A GetAway!

Well, right now, I am laying sprawled on a king size bed with my honey, with REAL tv (the food network) on in the background.  That is the ONLY background noise.  There is no whining, no complaining, no "she's looking at me" or "he's touching at me". Our children are located approx 400 miles away.  At last update, they had lunch, naps and snacks and are happily playing outside at Grandma's house.  My incredible husband and I have spent the past 8 hours in our minivan, listening to music, talking, snacking, talking, a little nap for me, talking, a couple of pit stops, talking, a quick lunch with a dear friend, talking.  It was wonderful! 

We talked about friendships and politics and religion and his career and our kids and the state of the world and dreams.  I read him part of the novel I've been working on - I had a completely captive audience - he couldn't fall asleep since he was driving AND he couldn't watch tv or find something else to do.  Hee Hee Hee.  But most importantly, we reconnected.

In our lives, sometimes we only end up talking in passing.  Usually I greet him from the kitchen when he walks in the door with something like "Hi Honey. How was your day? Well the kids did this and this and this and they are driving me crazy and this broke and this isn't working and my friend said this and this and I just can't believe it!"  Then he goes upstairs, puts his work stuff away, comes back down, is mauled by the kids, grabs a snack and starts working on things around the house.  Then we eat dinner, always an experience (and a loud one), get the kids settled into bed and then we sit in front of the tv.  We watch our favorite shows then climb into bed, most nights with a sleepy goodnight and a quick peck.

This little getaway has been wonderful.  It is just a simple, quick trip that we took so we could attend my sister's wedding in another state.  But I think that it is just what we need.  Actually, when I took the kids into the dr for checkups the other day, the nurse watched them for two minutes, took a long look at me and said "You need a vacation." 

Yes, I do.  And so did my hard working hubby.  And we needed the time together.  To get back on the same page. Realizing that our kids are doing JUST FINE with someone else (and I believe that 9 hours in, so are their caregivers - we will see if Grandma and Grandpa survive) will help us to do this more often. 

And in the meantime, we will probably cuddle, watch some REAL tv, talk some more and have a wonderful drive back - not to mention remember just how in love we were on our wedding day as we watch my sister marry HER best friend and sweetheart. 

Reality of being parents will come back to us quickly once we arrive home.  But for now, we are just us.  And that is a good thing to be sometimes.  :)

Don't let them out of your sight!

So sorry to all of my local friends if there is a new sign at the Flower Nursery up the road that says "NO CHILDREN ALLOWED".  Pretty sure that is my fault.  Indirectly.  It is really the fault of my two darling youngest children who seem to think that anytime their lovely mother is occupied means that they can take off running.  And silly me, I thought I would show them that it is a good thing to actually PAY for things that you want so I was paying for my tomatoes and other various plants that are still sitting on my front porch, unplanted.  Silly check out girl at the counter who assured me that they would be just fine and there is NOTHING that they could harm.  And silly me, once again, for believing her.  There happens to be two dogs that come to work with their owners each day at the nursery.  One of them is old and flat out refuses to acknowledge the presence of any children.  The other is still fairly young and loves to play chase.  As it so happens, so do my children!  While I was checking out, I believed that yet another rousing game of chase was on. 

That was not the case.  The children were missing.  Not completely missing just not easily located on the two acre plot that makes up the nursery.  I checked all the greenhouses.  I checked underneath all of the tables of plants.  I checked behind all of the trees.  No blonde haired little boy or black haired little girl.  This mom was starting to get a bit nervous especially because the nursery is located on a busy highway.  But knowing that they were much more likely to get into a lot of trouble rather than get splatted on the highway, I continued my search.  After about ten minutes that seemed like an eternity, I spotted them trudging up the path behind the main area of the nursery.  Their shoes were making a squishing sound and their pants were dripping with a strange green substance. 

They were so so excited to tell me about the wonderful pond and the slimy green water that they waded into trying to catch the fish and the frogs.  Ahhhhh.  So that is where they had been.  Chasing the dog had turned into something so much better!  Chasing frogs and fish in a decorative pond that had the purpose of displaying all of the water plants available for sale at the nursery.  I hadn't know that it existed because water plants are not in my landscaping plans, mainly because this experience would become a daily one. 

So, I apologize to all those out there who have well behaved children, who stay planted at their mommies sides while their mommies shop for tomatoes and flowers and bushes and even while they do the boring things like paying for their purchases.  If you find that your children are not allowed in a store, it is probably because mine have been there recently!

One of the Many Rewards

We were driving home the other night from an eventful family shopping trip to Walmart (not going into that on this post) and D, my 10 year old son piped up from the back seat of the Suburban. "Hey Dad.  Today in school I had to answer some questions from the birthday bucket (I guess on their birthday at school they draw a couple of questions from a bucket that they answer to help their classmates get to know them better) and one of my questions was 'who is your hero?'.  I said that you were, Dad.  My other question was 'If I were to get stranded on a deserted island, who would I want to be with me?'.  I said you again, Dad.  I chose you 'cause you have taught me everything I know and I figured we could just sit and fish.".
     I got a little teary.  Okay, I got a lot teary.  I realized how lucky I am to have married a man that CAN be his son's hero and best friend but most of all, who CHOSE to put enough time into making it happen.  D also wants to be what his dad is when he is all grown up.  My husband works as a maintenance guy for a local school district.  We are not rich by any stretch.  I'm a stay at home mom.  But what is important to my kids is that their dad can take time off to take them on field trips, he's home every day by four to play with them, he's off for Christmas break to help them make cookies and take them sledding.  They don't seem to care that we can't clothe them in the name brands or the latest styles or take them to Disneyland.  It's the little things.  Fishing, sledding, shooting hoops, bike rides, blowing bubbles, waterfights, jumping on the trampoline, sharing popsicles. 

I saw this on Facebook and it reminded me of WHY we are parents and how the little things are what make the difference.  Hope it touches you as much as it touched me.
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150765551480935