I have two daughters. One is 4. The other is 13. They are exactly nine years and 19 days apart. Our oldest, A, is very much an individual. She doesn't follow trends. She likes what she likes and hates what she hates and is not influenced at all by others. Our youngest, M, is already a fashionista. You wouldn't necessarily guess that from her choice of clothing sometimes - red and hot pink DO NOT go together but try to convince her! She loves make up, high heels, nice fabrics and loves to have her nails painted.
I'm the type of person that feels just as home in jeans and my hubby's flannel shirt with my hair in a ponytail, no make up and tennis shoes as I do in a "power" suit, heels, hair in an up-do, with make up all done. Usually, however, I gravitate to the first look rather than the latter one. I'm a stay at home mom. Other than going to the mailbox, working out in the yard and the occasional trip to Wally World, I don't really go out much. A power suit and heels, while it does help me feel very competent, really doesn't fit in my world of doing dishes, picking up messes, wiping runny noses, chasing the dogs and/or kids up the street, and folding laundry.
A few years ago, someone made a remark to me that really stung. They said that because of how I dressed and took care of myself, I was setting a bad example for my girls. I did consider the source of that comment and for a long time, although it hurt, I kinda blew it off.
Lately, I'm wondering if that person was right. A always dresses respectably for school, jeans or khaki's and typically a button down cotton shirt (she switches between a classic and a whimsical look depending on her mood). She tries to do her hair but she's not willing to spend more than about 5 minutes on it and she wears very little, if any makeup. She prefers to wear her tennis shoes, even though she has loafers, sandals and cute ballet style shoes. If her socks match, that is a plus. In her world, it just doesn't matter. However, her teeth are always brushed, she showers daily and isn't stinky (I consider that to be a great victory - I've walked the halls of her school and body spray can only cover up so much of the unclean smell!). But it is her attitude that if people only like her because of how she dresses or how she looks, then they aren't worth having as friends.
In my heart, I applaud her for that attitude. And in my mind, I cringe. She is going into the 8th grade. And people aren't always nice or accepting. Especially other girls. They can be downright cruel. I am thrilled that the worldly, temporary surface things don't matter to her. But I also know how great I feel when I know that I look nice. For some reason, nothing says confidence like a great hair day and a pair of heels. I want her to feel that feeling. She is kind of an irony, my daughter. Since she has the attitude that she does, you might think that she is ultra self confident. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She has trouble looking anyone in the eye and is extremely shy. I'm still scratching my head and trying to figure her out and I've been her mom for 13 years now!
And I did realize this morning that I need to try a LITTLE harder to improve my own appearance. As I was getting ready this morning, M asked if she could pick my shirt. I was just planning on wearing a t shirt and basketball shorts - its Monday, my day to catch up after the weekend. I agreed and she picked out a white cotton shirt with a few gathers around the waist and sleeves. When I questioned her about why she picked it, she simply said "Because it is bootiful, Mommy." Then she begged me to put on a little makeup. Usually she wants me to do this because my eyelashes are completely blonde and since she is Hispanic, she likes our "eyes" to match. But today, she said that she wanted me to put on makeup and wear that shirt so I could be "bootiful".
I did swap my basketball shorts for more appropriate capris to match the shirt. :) I have two beautiful girls that are total opposites on the spectrum and a mom that is stuck somewhere in the middle. I want my girls to focus on being beautiful on the inside - that is the most important thing. But I also want them to feel good about the beautiful features that God has given them on the outside too.
Maybe it IS easier to be the mom of boys.....
I love this post Jenn! I started wearing makeup again about a year ago to be a better example to Morgyn and it made her mad. She told me God made me how he wanted me to be and I shouldn't try to change that. I explained to her that I wasn't trying to change my appearance with makeup, just enhancing the beauty God gave me. That actually worked. She now wears makeup a couple of times a week. It sounds like her and A have a lot in common, only Morgyn isn't shy. :)
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